Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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