Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
even my farts smell like vagina
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
