am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
