If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
should my penis look like a turkey
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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