i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
