fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
