Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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