The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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