watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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