somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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