I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
