How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
