I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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