the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
