sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
