I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
