What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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