Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
