i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
