and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize