I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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