You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Life is so much better after having sex.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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