you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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