I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
not ubering you a puppy
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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