i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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