My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
tell me about the eggs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
