he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
