Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
