I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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