:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
