I'm really into asian looking animals
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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