I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
