i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dicks are not precious.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
