I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
