Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
