I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
