"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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