its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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