I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We got so high we made milksteak
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have tasted many bathrooms
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
