She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize