I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
