If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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