Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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