perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
