Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
