Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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