Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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