What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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