What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
