oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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