my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
