I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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