When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
