Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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