I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize