I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
