Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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