Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
