Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
if i can run in heels then i can drive
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
