Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pants are for mortals
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