At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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