We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize