She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
