i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
whose ass print is on the piano?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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