I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
