Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
