direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
