Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
