My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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