I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
