White coat. Heels.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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